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You are currently browsing the blog archives for September, 2010.

Sep

30

And…scene!!

By Leesa Gabel

That’s what is said at the end of a movie or play when the scene being acted out is over. Well, that’s what today is. The end of my scene…..the scene where I’ve been playing a cancer patient taking two daily chemo pills for the entire months of May, July and September. I swallowed my final two pills this morning. Not just for the month…..for like, forever (I really hope that’s true). I’m done with the drug taking portion of the clinical trial…..now I’ll just be monitored to see how my body…my blood…responds.

September was hard. I did not want to start taking the pills again after the August off month. It was very hard to remain positive as the last days of August ticked off. I’m very well aware that I’ve had it much easier than others when it comes to my treatments. I think this fact made the pills easier to swallow. But there were days when I just didn’t want to take them….I didn’t like feeling ill….I didn’t like having mouth sores…..I didn’t like not having an appetite….I didn’t like losing my hair….I didn’t like feeling weak….I didn’t like how I had to acknowledge my limitations because of cancer. I didn’t like it, but I still did it because I knew in the end it was the right and best thing to do…..to swallow those two little pills….

I’m actually having a hard time finding the right words to describe how I’m feeling today. The last couple months I’ve not blogged and have been keeping my thoughts about this journey to myself. More or less. I teetered between wanting to keep my cancer private to wanting to shout ‘hey, look at what the woman with cancer is doing’. I had days that I wanted to just completely forget that I have cancer and wanted everyone around me to forget as well…..I still hate the looks I get from some people when they learn that I have cancer. Of course there were days when having cancer came with a few perks…..pulling my cancer card can be a fun thing. Then there were days that I was reminded all too well that I have cancer . Those days were usually brought on by my kids…..I’d see a note from my son to God asking Him to help cure my cancer…..or my daughter would rub my arm and tell me that I was going to be ok.

There’s no doubt that having cancer has changed my life. But as cliche as it is…..having cancer has changed my life for the better.

Now to begin the next scene…….

Sep

13

Inked

By Leesa Gabel

This is a long-overdue post……

I got a tattoo!!! My Tat